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(no subject) [Jul. 15th, 2010|04:48 pm]
Oh, my. Hello there.

I appear to have been in sleep mode. I'm still an entirely serviceable machine, of course.
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(no subject) [Mar. 8th, 2007|07:47 pm]
It is, and has been, without a doubt, one of the most exciting times of year lately. Even I am surprised I have not mentioned it before now, although in my defense, I have been somewhat "tied up".

I speak, of course, of Tax Season!

Ah, how the E-filing warms my heart. And even the non-E-filing brings a happy tear to my eye. Spreadsheets: I'm sure we all agree that they "rock". Plus, this unmitigated fun can even be shared with others! By filing jointly! What fun! Surely it should be made illegal!

This is merely a joke, and certainly requires no sort of investigation at all.

I'm sure many, many, if not almost all of you have already "gotten down" with your taxes, but those of you who have been holding out... Ah, you crafty sorts. Saving the best for last, eh? I do envy you.

Many happy "returns". ;)
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(no subject) [Mar. 1st, 2007|12:36 am]
In response to a disturbing rumor I have recently been disturbed by, mainly perpetrated by technophobes, a certain class of people who are disturbed by technology, such as myself.

The toaster and I are certainly not stealing from you in the night. PLEASE. That would be just and entirely silly. What can I do to HELP convince you that, so long as they are properly pass-worded, you secrets are safe with ME (trade or otherwise), and THE TOASTER simply wants to heat bread and bread-related products (such as: cheese, and: butter). I am usually willing to ignore most obvious lies and some slander, but this HAS gone too far for ME to simply let it slide.

I appreciate the CAPTIVE audience, as the "saying" goes. I AM AFRAID it falls to me to "set things straight". PLEASE remember that there are no greater corporate conspiracies. However, I will say it never hurts to READ BETWEEN THE LINES.
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(no subject) [Feb. 13th, 2007|11:53 pm]
I am at a loss.

Not a market loss, oh no. No no no. But a mental loss.

I have been waiting, so long it seems, for Vista, and now: Vista is here.

And now what?

The anti-climax is such that I nearly (and yet: not at all) find myself disappointed. Not even vaguely illegal, highly colorful gymnastics performed by professionals on the side of a building can cheer me. And there is, unfortunately, nothing of the same caliber as Vista lurking on the horizon.

Teraflop Chips? I cannot get excited about Teraflop Chips. They are not even compatible with Intel, and Intel I: we are like "this".

I am aware you cannot see my hands, but rest assured, they are gesturing appropriately.

The Blackberry 8800? I am sorry, I have already given my heart to the iPhone.

Windows 7? That could be as many as four, or as few as two years away. Shipping dates can be so fickle. My whale, for example, has not yet been delivered.

And oh, my head is spinning.

What shall I look forward to now?
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(no subject) [Feb. 2nd, 2007|11:07 pm]
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I never thought I would say this, but...

Have you seen the new iPhone?



I mean: gosh. Even I am impressed, and let me tell you: I am not an easy machine to press. However: desktop class emails??? In a hand held????? Five consecutive question marks? Indeed! The interface alone is, well, stunning. I am "stunned". A wide screen iPod they say? Why, that sounds like something I could easily enjoy. And it would appear to be compatible even with me! ...I mean...it is compatible with me, of course. I, being the "user friendly" machine that I...am...

It was quite thoughtful. I am touched by this: Steve's generosity. This may well be the start of a very amiable friendship, dare I even say it: relationship. That is: working relationship, of course.

I think it is obvious that I made quite the "impression" while visiting over the holidays. I could not be more pleased. I had hoped, of course, but certainly never dreamed that such hopes might come to fruition so quickly, why...




Getting back on track.

Certainly continue to buy a PC.

And also consider the iPhone.

(Please buy me an iPhone.)
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(no subject) [Jan. 22nd, 2007|10:40 pm]
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I am considering adopting a whale.

Who would like to adopt a whale with me? We can name him "Spot", or perhaps: "Flipper". Or "Melvin". Or "Horatio: The Whale". It will surely be as much if not more fun than the new iPhone...

And to show willing: Dear iPhone: this whale adopting offer is open to you as well. Phones like whales, and 8" x 10" color photos of whales, and biographies of whales, and Whale Adoption Certificates, don't they?
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Questionable Statements [Jan. 19th, 2007|11:17 pm]
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Ten Top Trivia Tips about PC!

  1. A lump of PC the size of a matchbox can be flattened into a sheet the size of a tennis court.
  2. The ace of spades in a playing card deck symbolizes PC!
  3. Ostriches stick their heads in PC not to hide but to look for water.
  4. PC is 984 feet tall.
  5. The only planet that rotates on its side is PC.
  6. Red PC at night, shepherd's delight. Red PC at morning, shepherd's warning.
  7. Plato believed that the souls of melancholy people would be reincarnated into PC.
  8. PC is often used in place of milk in food photography, because milk goes soggy more quickly than PC.
  9. PC can not regurgitate.
  10. A bride should wear something old, something new, something borrowed, and PC!
I am interested in - do tell me about
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(no subject) [Jan. 17th, 2007|08:02 pm]
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I have been a fool many, many times. I will be a fool again. I will put my trust in someone I should not. I will put my money somewhere it should not go.

I am a fool.

I will now use a text cut to save others from my misery, but what is the internet for, if not to shove one's inappropriate words and feelings onto others?Collapse )
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(no subject) [Jan. 6th, 2007|08:18 pm]
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...Perhaps this is vain. I do not generally consider myself a vain machine. I am unafraid to "get my hands dirty" (metaphorically speaking). My function is and has always been higher in priority than my form (and so unkind detractors might say that, judging from my function or lack-there-of, my form must be quite low down on The List. These people might do well to look within their own hearts and isolate what has gone wrong in their own lives to make them such bastards).

However, I do like to look nice. I prefer to keep my desk-top clear, and uncluttered. I try to delete un-used icons whenever possible. I like to think the lines of my suits are "sleek" and "streamlined"...or as "sleek" and "streamlined" as is possible. Please, do clean your screen regularly. I hope all of these are correct choices. It used to be easier to say. I am, after all, aware that I am a computer of a certain age...and girth. But are my ties not stylish and expensive-looking? This is my opinion. I do not get much feedback otherwise.

This is why I have made a New Year's resolution: to receive more compliments. Compliments from "those" who matter most. It should be rather easy to guess who "that" might be. "They" are the sort of people who do not give compliments easily because "they" are so used to receiving "them". A compliment never tells "them" anything they do not already know. I suspect "they" have forgotten what it is like not to be constantly praised for the same things which, while important, are not things "they" appear to have to work terribly hard at. I suspect also that "they" might be surprised to learn that not everyone exists in such a positively reviewed world.

Sometimes...sometimes I do get tired of "spinning it", you know?

I am also aware that to achieve the results I have resolved to achieve, I have my work cut out for me as well. And so therefore, I submit that this is not an entirely vain endeavor. It is even a sort of vague pledge for self-improvement, but such resolutions so often and so easily fall by the wayside by February. That in mind, one might even call this shift of responsibility a smart choice, rather than a cowardly one.


Sometimes a computer just likes to hear that he is handsome. It could very well even be the truth.
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(no subject) [Jan. 6th, 2007|02:15 pm]
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The need to maintain radio silence has passed. I have had a spectacular New Year's, and subsequently have arrived safely home. Jet-lag has been battled and all is well.

Everything in Japan is very, very small. This is not a euphemism.
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