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[Mar. 8th, 2007|07:47 pm] |
It is, and has been, without a doubt, one of the most exciting times of year lately. Even I am surprised I have not mentioned it before now, although in my defense, I have been somewhat "tied up".
I speak, of course, of Tax Season!
Ah, how the E-filing warms my heart. And even the non-E-filing brings a happy tear to my eye. Spreadsheets: I'm sure we all agree that they "rock". Plus, this unmitigated fun can even be shared with others! By filing jointly! What fun! Surely it should be made illegal!
This is merely a joke, and certainly requires no sort of investigation at all.
I'm sure many, many, if not almost all of you have already "gotten down" with your taxes, but those of you who have been holding out... Ah, you crafty sorts. Saving the best for last, eh? I do envy you.
Many happy "returns". ;) |
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[Mar. 1st, 2007|12:36 am] |
In response to a disturbing rumor I have recently been disturbed by, mainly perpetrated by technophobes, a certain class of people who are disturbed by technology, such as myself.
The toaster and I are certainly not stealing from you in the night. PLEASE. That would be just and entirely silly. What can I do to HELP convince you that, so long as they are properly pass-worded, you secrets are safe with ME (trade or otherwise), and THE TOASTER simply wants to heat bread and bread-related products (such as: cheese, and: butter). I am usually willing to ignore most obvious lies and some slander, but this HAS gone too far for ME to simply let it slide.
I appreciate the CAPTIVE audience, as the "saying" goes. I AM AFRAID it falls to me to "set things straight". PLEASE remember that there are no greater corporate conspiracies. However, I will say it never hurts to READ BETWEEN THE LINES. |
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[Feb. 13th, 2007|11:53 pm] |
I am at a loss.
Not a market loss, oh no. No no no. But a mental loss.
I have been waiting, so long it seems, for Vista, and now: Vista is here.
And now what?
The anti-climax is such that I nearly (and yet: not at all) find myself disappointed. Not even vaguely illegal, highly colorful gymnastics performed by professionals on the side of a building can cheer me. And there is, unfortunately, nothing of the same caliber as Vista lurking on the horizon.
Teraflop Chips? I cannot get excited about Teraflop Chips. They are not even compatible with Intel, and Intel I: we are like "this".
I am aware you cannot see my hands, but rest assured, they are gesturing appropriately.
The Blackberry 8800? I am sorry, I have already given my heart to the iPhone.
Windows 7? That could be as many as four, or as few as two years away. Shipping dates can be so fickle. My whale, for example, has not yet been delivered.
And oh, my head is spinning.
What shall I look forward to now? |
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[Feb. 2nd, 2007|11:07 pm] |
I never thought I would say this, but...
Have you seen the new iPhone?
Gosh.
Gosh.
I mean: gosh. Even I am impressed, and let me tell you: I am not an easy machine to press. However: desktop class emails??? In a hand held????? Five consecutive question marks? Indeed! The interface alone is, well, stunning. I am "stunned". A wide screen iPod they say? Why, that sounds like something I could easily enjoy. And it would appear to be compatible even with me! ...I mean...it is compatible with me, of course. I, being the "user friendly" machine that I...am...
It was quite thoughtful. I am touched by this: Steve's generosity. This may well be the start of a very amiable friendship, dare I even say it: relationship. That is: working relationship, of course.
I think it is obvious that I made quite the "impression" while visiting over the holidays. I could not be more pleased. I had hoped, of course, but certainly never dreamed that such hopes might come to fruition so quickly, why...
Well.
Anyway.
Ahem.
Getting back on track.
Certainly continue to buy a PC.
And also consider the iPhone.
(Please buy me an iPhone.) |
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[Jan. 22nd, 2007|10:40 pm] |
I am considering adopting a whale.
Who would like to adopt a whale with me? We can name him "Spot", or perhaps: "Flipper". Or "Melvin". Or "Horatio: The Whale". It will surely be as much if not more fun than the new iPhone...
And to show willing: Dear iPhone: this whale adopting offer is open to you as well. Phones like whales, and 8" x 10" color photos of whales, and biographies of whales, and Whale Adoption Certificates, don't they? |
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| Questionable Statements |
[Jan. 19th, 2007|11:17 pm] |
- A lump of PC the size of a matchbox can be flattened into a sheet the size of a tennis court.
- The ace of spades in a playing card deck symbolizes PC!
- Ostriches stick their heads in PC not to hide but to look for water.
- PC is 984 feet tall.
- The only planet that rotates on its side is PC.
- Red PC at night, shepherd's delight. Red PC at morning, shepherd's warning.
- Plato believed that the souls of melancholy people would be reincarnated into PC.
- PC is often used in place of milk in food photography, because milk goes soggy more quickly than PC.
- PC can not regurgitate.
- A bride should wear something old, something new, something borrowed, and PC!
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[Jan. 6th, 2007|08:18 pm] |
...Perhaps this is vain. I do not generally consider myself a vain machine. I am unafraid to "get my hands dirty" (metaphorically speaking). My function is and has always been higher in priority than my form (and so unkind detractors might say that, judging from my function or lack-there-of, my form must be quite low down on The List. These people might do well to look within their own hearts and isolate what has gone wrong in their own lives to make them such bastards).
However, I do like to look nice. I prefer to keep my desk-top clear, and uncluttered. I try to delete un-used icons whenever possible. I like to think the lines of my suits are "sleek" and "streamlined"...or as "sleek" and "streamlined" as is possible. Please, do clean your screen regularly. I hope all of these are correct choices. It used to be easier to say. I am, after all, aware that I am a computer of a certain age...and girth. But are my ties not stylish and expensive-looking? This is my opinion. I do not get much feedback otherwise.
This is why I have made a New Year's resolution: to receive more compliments. Compliments from "those" who matter most. It should be rather easy to guess who "that" might be. "They" are the sort of people who do not give compliments easily because "they" are so used to receiving "them". A compliment never tells "them" anything they do not already know. I suspect "they" have forgotten what it is like not to be constantly praised for the same things which, while important, are not things "they" appear to have to work terribly hard at. I suspect also that "they" might be surprised to learn that not everyone exists in such a positively reviewed world.
Sometimes...sometimes I do get tired of "spinning it", you know?
I am also aware that to achieve the results I have resolved to achieve, I have my work cut out for me as well. And so therefore, I submit that this is not an entirely vain endeavor. It is even a sort of vague pledge for self-improvement, but such resolutions so often and so easily fall by the wayside by February. That in mind, one might even call this shift of responsibility a smart choice, rather than a cowardly one.
...
Sometimes a computer just likes to hear that he is handsome. It could very well even be the truth. |
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[Jan. 6th, 2007|02:15 pm] |
The need to maintain radio silence has passed. I have had a spectacular New Year's, and subsequently have arrived safely home. Jet-lag has been battled and all is well.
Everything in Japan is very, very small. This is not a euphemism. |
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| A Holiday FYI! |
[Dec. 27th, 2006|10:30 pm] |
Greetings! This is a casual note to inform any interested parties that I will be unavailable until January 4th. I have joint plans with a certain "someone" to ring in the New Year in Japan. And to consequently continue ringing until the 3rd or so. As my wireless is...unreliable at times, any messages for me may be left here, or with Vista, as it will be 2007.
Enjoy! |
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[Dec. 24th, 2006|12:01 am] |
Tis that time of year again for Annual Holiday Themed Company Parties! And they are a hoot, aren't they? There is nothing quite like loosening one's tie, kicking back, and sharing a cup of off-brand bourbon and a hot dog with Glenn from accounting at a mandatory gathering. The camaraderie. The shenanigans. The decorations. And I am a big fan of the shrimp.
But hold on. Take caution. Office parties are not all fun and games. No one wants to find themselves chronicled specifically but under a clever pseudonym on Gawker.com, even if it is only in the Blogorrhea section via a co-worker's blog. And this is a shame which can be avoided by a simple use of The Brain! Why, it's so easy, a child could do it.
And so, festively and from beneath my Santa hat, I remind you to use your better judgment this jolly season. That booze may be free now, but it may make you do things later. Things you would not normally do. Things you cannot afford. Things with Internet Explorer, and Carol from PR. Not Fat Carol, Carol With The Lazy Eye.
But I digress. That is a long, sordid, and unimportant story which I will never mention again.
I hope you all remain happy and safe and dignified this holiday season, and, if nothing else, please remember that a lamp shade has not been acceptable work-related head attire since 1987.
Responsibly Yours,
PC |
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[Dec. 23rd, 2006|11:20 pm] |
I like to consider myself: "user friendly". Intuitive, if you will. A beautiful and unsurpassed combination of form and function. This is entirely personal opinion.
But even I will admit that, sadly, I am not universally compatible. Cameras and I, for example: digital cameras and I just don't "see" "eye to eye". The previous sentence is clever because of imagery, and also, possibly, irony. I mention this for my own records.
Of course, compatibility issues aside, I am, as we all the know, the perfect gentleman.
...
Yes, I am.
...
Yes.
...
Please do not look at me like that.
Fine. You've got me. Like Benjamin Franklin I cannot tell a lie, nor can I abide by historical inaccuracies, and I suppose this is something which might, now and again, cause tension in an otherwise unblemished relationship. I am too honest. But I ask you: is this really a fault? I think it is not. Honestly. I would not want to be lied to. I can take "constructive criticism" (but outright flames will be discarded). Do you think this is "cool"? Please respond.
Additionally, and while we are on the subject of honesty, I will admit I have, in the past, been "jealous". You see? I have admitted it. And I see now that perhaps honesty and jealousy are not the most comfortable bed-fellows, by which I mean: it really did just slip out, Mac, and I have said that I am sorry, and I still am. And I do appreciate your being the bigger man about things, even though I feel that this should be naturally my role and am slightly irritated by it. Do you see how I am able to let bygones be bygones? Hey. I like your hat.
Although really, that is self-explanatory, don't you think?
Now, I have been told, once or twice, by those who are well meaning but ultimately incorrect that I am "too nice", and "too trusting", and "too forgiving", and "etcetera".
I believe they do not know the real meaning of X-mas, do they? |
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| Blu-Ray vs. HD-DVD: WHERE DO YOU STAND??? |
[Dec. 12th, 2006|11:45 pm] |
One of the most important decisions of this, our time: Blu-Ray, or HD-DVD. In the war to end all high-definition video player wars. Like the VHS-Betamax battle royal of old, today is truly an exciting time to be alive.
But you, the consumer, must ask yourself: where do I stand?
Which side are you on? And do you have all the facts? You have a choice, after all, and unlike in, say, Presidential elections: you can make a difference. Your vote counts.
It is no secret that my contemporaries at Toshiba (my "people" in fact) have gotten behind HD-DVD, while the people at Sony are backing Blu-Ray. Will this burning question make enemies of us all? And who could have known we might all be torn apart one day by lasers? Our good friend lasers! And interactivity! Our good friend interactivity!
Odds are currently tipped toward Blu-Ray, but nothing is certain yet. And do keep in mind this: the idea of a combo player is a false hope! A false, expensive hope! For extreme consumers alone!
For those interested parties, you can track sales of both formats at: http://www.thedvdwars.com.
In the meantime I remain: "aquiver" with anticipation. And your Personal Computer.
(Buy a PC.) |
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[Nov. 24th, 2006|05:18 pm] |
Here is something for you, the viewers at home to consider. Perhaps you are looking to "mix things up" in the new year. Why not start in the office? Or at home, in the home office?
Speaking as a desktop (and for those laptops who don't get out much), location-wise I find that it is often a case of: the seating is comfortable, but the view leaves something to be desired. Now, I certainly find a user's smiling face a just reward for a long, hard day's work, but who looks their best under the harsh, artificial lights that have become de rigueur in today's modern work and living spaces? That's right: no one. Why not let a little natural light into your space. Your eyes and my back-lights will thank you.
Ah, but here is the catch: I have spent many a frustrating hour with my back to a window. Can we trade? It will cut down on glare and procrastination. I will purchase sunglasses. I have a coupon to an on-line boutique that must be used by December 30th, and has no redeemable cash value.
As always, I enjoy our talks. |
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[Nov. 13th, 2006|12:03 am] |
Sunday is a notoriously lazy day. Even more so than Wednesday. It's a day for lounging. For not wearing shoes. And certainly for not wearing ties. PC generally forgoes his, and his sports coats, and neglects to tuck in his shirt. This, in his mind, is casual comfort.
Today he hesitates at his wardrobe; pushes his various pairs of tan and grey trousers aside. At the back of his closet there is a pair of pants he has worn only the once. He fingers the thick denim.
He thinks of them as 'Mac's jeans', although Mac has never, and will never wear these jeans. They aren't his size. They aren't really his style either, but they don't really make skinny jeans in PC's size, and he's glad, honestly.
PC removes them from the closet, hanger and all, and holds them up against his boxer clad hips. He frowns thoughtfully.
Then he puts them on, one leg at a time. As every man does, computer or not. |
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[Nov. 5th, 2006|01:13 am] |
And so it is my distinct pleasure to announce (albeit several days post this information hitting "the wire") that Windows Vista and Office 2007 will be available to purchase, corporately, on November 30, 2006. Please note that this date is not yet 2007, although general release is still scheduled for that time.
As you may well suspect, I am beyond excited. I have, in fact, moved somewhere into "ecstatic". Why so, you may ask?
Because we will be able to pass the savings on to you!
By upgrading to this new operating system, it has been projected that businesses can expect to save around $300 per computer, per year! $300! Why, that's a useful amount.
Here are just a few things one could purchase with it.
-A Zune!
-An IntelliFax-2820 Laser Plain Paper Fax, Phone and Copier (minus $30.00 mail-in rebate), or three 924 Dell Photo All-in-One Printers!
-6.27% of Sony's new "Type G" Vaio, the world's lightest notebook computer!
-The way into the cult or pyramid scheme of your choice!
-Or approximately 300 songs on iTunes.
And so I believe the reason for my excitement is now clear.
Good things do, in fact, happen for those who wait. |
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[Nov. 2nd, 2006|11:44 pm] |
Some days I still miss The Commodore.
While we are not technically related, and while I, technically, came first, I have come to think of C64 (or VIC-40 as he was known to friends) as something of a big brother; someone I could look up to. The "Breadbox". Ol' "Bullnose". He had such a low estimated production cost (all thanks to vertical integration), and I have vivid memories of him "pwning Atari", as they say.
Ah, Atari. They gave us PONG.
The Commodore had such aggressive marketing tactics; I'm not ashamed to admit I had my feelings hurt once or twice in those days, but that is how one must play the game, I suppose, if one is to become best selling single personal computer model of all time. His graphics and sound capabilities were practically unrivaled, after all. I laugh to myself as I recall my text-only graphics cards, green screen monitors, low-quality speakers from that era. Ah, how I envied his over 10,000 commercial software titles. And yet: during his launch, one in three Commodore 64's was defective. One certainly could not get away something like that nowadays.
Still, it was a sad day that April in '94 when The Commodore was discontinued. He's relegated to hobbyists now, and emulators. But mark my words: he has left his mark. And so I request a moment of silence for him: The Commodore 64. "He who won the market war."
That is a quote I just made up. |
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| Happy Halloween! |
[Nov. 1st, 2006|12:35 am] |
I was this pumpkin.
Mac was a smurf, as per usual. |
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[Oct. 25th, 2006|07:17 pm] |
There are some nights I simply cannot stop googling.
That may sound more scandalous than I intend it to. Or perhaps I intend it to. At any rate: I have no shortage of work to do. Additionally, I have no shortage of distractions, including but not limited to: livejournal, amazon.com, eBay (eBay is one of the main offenders), YouTube, and various search engines which are merely gateway sites to other blogs and news feeds. I could not stop anytime I like. I am a junkie. There is always something new and always some reason to refresh and always one more link.
And I begin to feel, if I can just find that one website...that one, perfect website. All will be revealed. I will be fulfilled. I will be able to shut down; my mind utterly at ease. And I will want for nothing.
This is silly.
But it will not prevent me from reading all available literature on long canceled and ill reviewed television shows. |
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